'Everyone’s seen my tits': Keeley Hazell on reclaiming the narrative in her new memoir

This transcript was generated by AI and lightly edited by our team. Please excuse any typos or errors.

Keeley Hazell  00:02

There was a lot of internal battle that was going on where I was like, 'It's just a pair of tits! Like, who cares?' Then feeling so embarrassed and just wanting to die.

Sophie Bearman  00:25

This is Life in Seven Songs from The San Francisco Standard. I'm Sophie Bearman. My guest this week is actress and writer Keeley Hazell, whose new memoir, 'Everyone's Seen My Tits: Stories and Reflections from an Unlikely Feminist,' charts her journey from an abusive home in South London with barely enough to eat to becoming one of Britain's most famous Page 3 girls -- topless models featured in a popular UK tabloid. Topless modeling was Keeley's ticket out of poverty -- and into an unwanted spotlight, both idolized and objectified in equal measure. Her memoir is about her fight to be heard -- not just looked at.

Sophie Bearman  01:08

If the name 'Keeley' rings a bell, you're probably thinking of Keeley Jones from Ted Lasso. Turns out the show's creator, Jason Sudeikis, drew his inspiration for the character from the real Keeley's story after meeting her on a film set. Keeley Hazell, welcome to the show. 

Keeley Hazell  01:27

Thank you so much for having me. 

Sophie Bearman  01:29

Let's just start with Ted Lasso. Is it strange to have people like me watch the whole series without realizing that Keeley Jones is based on you? 

Keeley Hazell  01:38

Yes. I mean, the name Keeley is not at all that popular still. And so I get people all the time just being like, 'Oh, like Keeley, like the character from Ted Lasso.' I'm like, 'Yeah, okay, like the character from Ted Lasso.' And then I guess is there an element of me that feels a little bit like the character is more popular and has gained more recognition than I have, which is very strange. 

Sophie Bearman  02:10

And to add another sort of layer, I know that you also auditioned for the role of Keeley Jones and didn't get it. How did you sort of process that? 

Keeley Hazell  02:19

Good question. Still processing. I think it was a complete mindfuck because the part was originally written for me to play myself. So I auditioned multiple times, and then they went out on a direct offer to the actress who plays Keeley, which was very difficult for a multitude of reasons. For one, it was like, 'Oh, wow. Like, how bad am I as an actress that I didn't even get cast to play me?' And then I think because the actress who ended up getting the part didn't audition and it was given to her, and her background is so different from mine, and it really just honed into all of these experiences I'd had and felt about class, especially in the UK, and so that was really difficult to reconcile with. 

Sophie Bearman  03:13

But you did write for Ted Lasso. 

Keeley Hazell  03:16

So I came on as a writer in the third season and contributed to the writer's room as much as I could, which usually involved pitches of killing Keeley off. I was like, 'I think Keeley dies' and...

Sophie Bearman  03:35

You're kidding around but was it hard, I guess, being in that room?

Keeley Hazell  03:38

It was incredibly challenging in so many ways, like being -- the room was so wonderful, and it's like such a great writing team and and in the other side, it was incredibly challenging having this character exist that was named and based on me and written for me to play And, and then writing on behalf of this character. A lot of my life had ended up in the show, which I hadn't asked for nor desired, and, and so there was, like, a treading carefully in the room of like, 'What do I want to share? Because also, I don't know if I necessarily want these parts of me in the show, or if I want any of my life in the show at all.' And so that's where it became challenging. 

Sophie Bearman  04:27

So you mentioned your upbringing. What was home life like for you as a kid? 

Keeley Hazell  04:33

Home life was chaotic and intense. I grew up on a council estate, which for Americans, is essentially the projects. My parents didn't have a lot of money. It was kind of hard getting by, but very working class sort of roots. And just also, like life, growing up without resources and money is like such a stress. And now I'm an adult, and I see -- like I'm living next door to a friend of mine and her kids, and see what actually like parenting is and how difficult that is, and then thinking about how my parents had to do that with very little sort of help and money and just the stress they were under. The stress my mother was under to cook and clean and pay bills. It's like there's an understanding for me of them just having to take on so much. 

Sophie Bearman  05:29

And your first song is Common People by Pulp. How come? 

Keeley Hazell  05:33

This reminds me of when I was young and we would have like family get togethers or like family parties in the 90s, this was such a popular song, and it was like this working class, like common people, these kind of songs relate to us.

Music  05:49

[Common People by Pulp plays]

Keeley Hazell  06:11

We would sing along, and the, 'common people like you' would be sort of yelled at each other. And then when I realized the lyrics and what he's actually talking about when I got older, that took on a whole new meaning. Because it was like, 'Oh, actually, we're talking about class tourism.' The song, his whole meaning is about a girl. He's like, 'Yeah, I want to come and hang out with you artists, the people that are poor and they're trying to make -- and it's me,' but really that's not the background she comes from, which was something that was so prevalent in my teenage years because I grew up on a council estate, and that was kind of cool to people who didn't come from poverty. 

Sophie Bearman  06:52

So people would come through your place of upbringing just to sort of hang out and then go home to something nicer, essentially?

Keeley Hazell  06:59

Yeah, you would have girls, especially because there was something about boys from council estates. They were so rough and they had so much attitude, and they would come and hang out on the estates, and then they would go home to their, you know, lovely middle class lives. And when I grew up and I realized that element of it, like the song completely changed. I actually feel -- when I sold my book -- as part of the proposal, I said, 'The book is like a 90s Brit pop song.' And I said, 'Think Common People by Pulp.' I was like, 'It's upbeat but the words have a piercing social commentary to them.'

Sophie Bearman  07:42

If you're willing to go there with me, would you just tell me a little bit more about the maybe challenges that you face with your parents? Your father? 

Keeley Hazell  07:49

Yeah, my parents, I always say, are products of their upbringing and the circumstances of their lives. And my dad would probably be defined us as toxic masculinity. In terms of, like, punishment, we had this, like, meter stick or this wooden spoon, and we would get whacked, which I always equate to, like, generations before. I'm like, 'Oh, I feel like I grew up in like the 1950s.' And my parents were very young when they had me and my older sister and didn't really know how to parent. And so my way of dealing with it was having a fantasy that I had a different father, and that different father in my brain was David Beckham. And so I would always say that my parents weren't my real parents and actually David Beckham -- and then when he started in Victoria -- they were my real parents, and they were coming to get me. 

Sophie Bearman  08:44

I suppose David Beckham would have been quite young. He's not that much older than us. 

Keeley Hazell  08:49

Yeah, he's 11 years older. But for me, it was like, 'Well, obviously, David Beckham's like a grown up.' And that was sort of my way of dealing with family life. 

Sophie Bearman  09:01

Your second song is Hero by Mariah Carey. You said you sang this song in prison at age 14. So what is the story here? 

Keeley Hazell  09:10

The story is... England is very known for its binge drinking culture, and I started drinking very young. And on this one evening, I drank essentially an entire bottle of Aftershock, which I don't think they have in the US, but it's like this blue liquor, and it's like 40% alcohol, and it's disgusting. And I got really, really drunk and ended up in a very horrible incident where I was walking down the street and two of my guy friends found me, and I was very drunk, and they went to take me home. And somebody looked out the window and thought, 'There's two boys dragging this girl down the street,' and called the cops. The cops arrived. And growing up, it was like, you don't trust the police. And so they tried to then take me home, and I punched one in the face and kicked another one in the balls and got arrested for assault. And they put me into a police cell, and I was so drunk. And in that moment, I felt like the perfect thing to do was sing Mariah Carey, because the lyrics just really relevant.

Music  10:24

[Hero by Mariah Carey plays]

Keeley Hazell  10:44

Like in that point, just like in a police cell, and just like belting out this song. When she says, 'It's a long road when you face the world alone, no one's reaching out a hand for you to hold' that I think for me just captured this kind of feeling of being a teenager. And I felt like I then, when I became like 13, 14 saw the world for kind of what it was. And that just felt like it captured this loneliness, and just like, 'You're facing this world alone. Is there anybody you can even turn to?' That's how it felt to me, just like I feel so lonely and doing this on my own.

Sophie Bearman  11:33

And I know at 13 there was a shift in your household too, because your dad left, which maybe was a mix of emotions. 

Keeley Hazell  11:41

Yeah, my parents separated when I was 13. It was sad, just because of the breakdown of the family. And then also just feeling like, 'Oh, you know, you're gonna get with a guy, and then he's just gonna cheat with somebody younger, and then he leaves.' And so that kind of feeling, and then seeing how that affected my mother just felt really sad. But then the other hand, their relationship was so unhealthy that when he left, there was like a happiness, because it was like this relationship doesn't work. And this family, it's like better for them to not be together. They stayed together for us kids, it's like, they should have separated years and years ago. 

Sophie Bearman  12:23

Did your home life become more stable at that point? Or were other sort of struggles introduced with your mom's solo parenting? 

Keeley Hazell  12:32

I think when my dad left, it was -- and this is something I say in my book is that -- we were poor before, but now we were like, really poor. That was like such the difference was that when my dad left, my mom was now a single parent trying to run a household on a single income, which wasn't very much, because my youngest sister had been born, and so she had to look after a toddler and try to work and try to keep this household. And so money was so tight. And what had gone from just being, you know, a very working class, low income household, it felt even greater. It was like we can't afford to do anything. 

Sophie Bearman  13:13

You also chose Criminal by Eminem. 

Keeley Hazell  13:16

Yes, I mean, firstly, this album just defined my youth. It just was, like, really encapsulated this feeling of being a teenager, and Eminem felt so just similar to, like how we all felt. And like his background kind of like felt like my background. But Criminal -- my best friend sat next to me in a maths class, as you guys say, math. And this is how we met. She turned to me and she said, 'Do you like Eminem?' I said, 'Yeah.' She says, 'Because I'm a criminal. Hey, it's me, Versace. Oops, somebody shot me.' And this was literally how we met. And then I proceeded to start singing the lyrics too. So then we both just like in this classroom, yelling, 'Because I'm a criminal,' and the light overhead smashed. And it rained down onto our desk, just like pieces of glass, like came down. And we were both crying and laughing, and then we were just like, 'We're best friends, like from this moment.' And the teacher then turn and goes, 'That's your singing has caused that to come down.' That's how terrible of a singers we are. We have shattered the overhead light.

Music  14:30

[Criminal by Eminem plays]

Keeley Hazell  14:50

It's funny hearing it now, because actually also in the moment when I'm singing it at that point in youth I am in so -- like, I've been arrested and I am kind of a criminal. So it's like, even funnier now I'm like, 'Oh well, really rang true to life.'

Sophie Bearman  15:06

So by 16, you had left school, right?

Keeley Hazell  15:11

Yes, I had legally left school. I mean, I hadn't been going to school much before then. And my attendance was so low, my mom actually had to go to court. 

Sophie Bearman  15:25

So you were you'd basically checked out at that point, more or less?

Keeley Hazell  15:28

I had checked out. And 16 was the legal age you were allowed to leave. And that was when I left. And a few days later, I was working in a hair salon, and I was working under a woman called Lynn. And she had a client that would come in that modeled, and when she was coming in one morning, she was like, 'Oh, you could do that.' And I was like, 'What?' And she's like, 'Model.' And at the time, I was like, 'Is Lynn insane? Like, that's very complimentary. Thank you very much. But that's never going to happen.' And then after the woman came in, and she arrived in her Mercedes SL and she had this designer handbag. And immediately, when she left, I was like, 'Well, how do I do that? How do I start modeling?' And Lynn put me in touch with a photographer in the neighborhood, and I went and got photos taken, and that was kind of the start of the journey.

Sophie Bearman  16:26

Coming up after the break, Keeley's journey into topless modeling and eventually to becoming an unlikely feminist continues. Stay with us.

Sophie Bearman  16:54

Your next song is 21 Second by So Solid Crew. How come?

Keeley Hazell  16:59

So after I have pictures taken, nothing happens. I end up submitting them to The Sun a year or so later, and I win this competition, and I become a Page 3 model. So I get opened up to this like whole new world of kind of football players and celebrities, and I meet so many other models, and one of them is a girl who was on Page 3 as Nic T. And eventually her and I move next door to each other, and we have these apartments that join up by our back doors like weirdly, you can go through one to the other just from the doors in the back. And it's a very weird setup that I've never seen anywhere else. And on this one evening, I'm in bed, Nic T and some of the other models have been out, and they come back to her apartment with one of the singers from So Solid Crew. And he is walking around sort of her apartment, and goes through the back and obviously sees another door and opens it, and comes into my apartment and comes into my bedroom. And I'm sort of half asleep, and I look up and I recognize him because the So Solid Crew and this song was everywhere at the time. It was so big, and he's like, so confused about this whole apartment set up, like, 'I'm confused, who are you?' And I'm like -- and I recognize him, and I would say this is probably one of my fine moments, is that I say, 'You've got 21 seconds to go.' And he just laughs because obviously that's the name of the song that's made So Solid Crew so popular. And so that is why I chose this song, just because it was this moment in life that changed where I was like now meeting people from the So Solid Crew in my bedroom, weirdly.

Music  19:02

[21 Seconds by So Solid Crew plays]

Keeley Hazell  19:10

It's so British, and it was so big at the time, even hearing it now, I'm just like, just transported back in time. 

Sophie Bearman  19:20

So around this age, 18, 19, 20, how are you feeling about your job? 

Keeley Hazell  19:26

I was super conflicted with my job. Because of being 18 when I started and it being topless modeling, I had a feeling of just being so embarrassed and ashamed and yet this was partnered with the fact that I now had money, and I had this way out and this ticket to this new life, and there was a lot of internal battle that was going on where I was like, 'It's just a pair of tits! Like, who cares?' But then feeling so embarrassed and ashamed, seeing photographs of myself in the newspaper or in magazines and just wanting to die. And then I also felt like a sense of guilt, because so many women desired to be in this position, and the women that had made it as a sort of Page 3 or glamor model were just so proud to say that that's what they were, and that was not my experience that I was going through. And so then there was just this guilt and furthermore shame. Because it's like, 'Oh, I feel ashamed that I am a model, and now I feel ashamed and guilty that I don't feel proud.' So it was very difficult in that sense.

Sophie Bearman  20:43

In your memoir, you tell a story about an interview where a journalist asked you about feminism. Can you tell that story?

Keeley Hazell  20:51

So I was 21 and I was being interviewed for a very high brow publication in the UK. And to me, it felt apparent that she didn't really want to be interviewing me. And she asked this one question that really stuck with me forever, which was, 'Are you a feminist?' And at the time, I had no idea what that meant. But I didn't want to say that I had no idea what that meant, because a lot of people believed that women who were glamor models were bimbos and they were stupid. And so I I felt like I was always combating against this stereotype. And so to even say, 'I don't know what a feminist is,' felt like I was really playing into the stereotype that existed. And so I kind of, in my brain, was trying to rack together what I thought it was, and then decided that I knew what it was. And was like, 'I've heard this word before. I know exactly what it means. It means nudist. Somebody who likes to get naked in public. She is asking me if I like to be naked.' My response was, 'No, but I could see why people would think I am one.' And that really raised her eyebrows. She's like, 'Why would you take the people think you're a feminist?' And then I, in that moment, panicked because I was like, 'I don't think it means what I think it means.' But I learned so much from that interview, and I took away so much because I then went on this journey to go to a library and find out what feminism meant. And I really dug deep into feminist literature and so so many ways like, this one interview -- that I'm sure this journalist, like probably doesn't even remember -- it catapulted me into a journey of learning and self examination.

Sophie Bearman  22:57

Your next song is The Cure and The Cause by Fish Go Deep. What's the story behind this one?

Keeley Hazell  23:04

It really reminds me of a guy I dated when I was 19, 20, maybe even 18. And The Cure and The Cause is just the, the addiction of wanting somebody that is so bad for you and knowing that he is so bad for me, but he's the cure, but he's also the cause of all my pain and suffering and heartbreak. And the only person who can cure it is him. And yet he is the one that's caused it. At the time, when I was 18, I was on the front cover of FHM Magazine, and the tagline was, 'Keeley only 18 and perfect.' And so that really played into this, 'my only flaw is I'm addicted to this horrible man, and I can't let him go.'

Music  23:53

[The Cure and The Cause by Fish Go Deep pays] 

Sophie Bearman  24:16

What was not working about the relationship? And then I guess generally, what was your relationship with men like?

Keeley Hazell  24:23

So our relationship was incredibly toxic, and now I have therapy words would say emotionally abusive. And I also think we were both very young, so there was a lot of immaturity within the relationship and the dynamics, especially between two young people who, like haven't quite figured out what love is. I always do think, how do you learn what love is? It's by looking at your parents. And so what I had believed was love was also, in so many ways, suffering. It was trying to obtain something that I was just never gonna get from this other person.

Sophie Bearman  25:07

You also experienced a really devastating violation when you were 21. Was that the ex that we're talking about?

Keeley Hazell  25:16

This is the ex we're talking about. We broke up on Christmas Day because I'd found out that he was cheating on me, and then he broke into my home with a crowbar and stole a bunch of things, and then he sold a tape of the two of us to a national newspaper that came out. So there was a lot happening in a very short period of time with this relationship. It was like dealing with a heartbreak, or like finding out your boyfriend's been cheating and they've had sex with a girl in your bed in your apartment, which just felt which is insane. And then having him break into my home. And then this tape coming out. It was so much all at once. After the violation that had happened with the tape, modeling, to me, was so difficult because of the sexualization. And I just felt like I have enough money to be able to do something else. Let me try and start over.

Sophie Bearman  26:12

Pretty soon after that, you move to the US. You move to LA, right?

Keeley Hazell  26:18

They say the best way to overcome trauma is book a flight and move far away. And LA, in many ways, I think, was a place to escape because it was so far away and I wasn't at all known in the US. And that anonymity, for me, felt like really powerful. It's like I get to go somewhere and no one knows me. I walk down the street and like I'm not gonna feel so embarrassed or have a panic attack wondering if this person has seen me naked.

Sophie Bearman  26:47

And you chose a song to represent all of this. All I Wanna Do by Sheryl Crow. 

Keeley Hazell  26:53

I listened to this song in my car blaring for my speakers. I'm driving down Sunset, my windows are open, and I play this and sing along, and it just felt like I am in LA and everything that has happened has happened. And now I just want to have some fun.

Music  27:13

[All I Wanna Do by Sheryl Crow plays]

Keeley Hazell  27:34

It's such a great song. It's so fun. And it's like, brings so much joy.

Sophie Bearman  27:38

Did LA feel like freedom to you in a way?

Keeley Hazell  27:42

There was a freedom of breaking free from everything that had happened and starting fresh, but also at the same time that didn't happen. Like I moved to LA and the internet exists, And everybody finds out, and I didn't love the city, but then I felt like I had to be there in order to pursue this one thing that I wanted to pursue, which was to study acting.

Sophie Bearman  28:11

And how did acting come into the picture?

Keeley Hazell  28:14

When I knew I wanted to quit modeling, I was like, 'What do I want to do?' I was like, 'Well, I could go into, like interior design, fashion design, or like acting I love and I want to do this, but it's public facing.' It felt like the hardest option of all of them. All of the things I would have to overcome to become an actor, that's what ended up drawing me to it, which is so psychotic. But I was like, 'I want to be able to overcome my past and be successful at something that is public facing, simply because it will change the consciousness or the beliefs that people have about women who are sexualized, women that model, women that come from working class backgrounds.' And so acting felt like it carried this extra weight and so that was really the draw.

Sophie Bearman  29:11

Is there a moment or moments when your past came to sort of block your future?

Keeley Hazell  29:19

So many times. So like, when I would audition, and I would get down to, like, the final few people hiring me for a studio was just questionable, because they were like, 'Ah, there's so many naked photos floating around in cyberspace. Do we want to take this risk?' For me, what was so difficult was the fact that I had only afforded the opportunity to be in LA because of my modeling career, and yet the career that gave me that opportunity was the thing that was stopping me from progressing and so it was really hard to deal with that professionally. So it's just like, 'I'm so frustrated. I can't -- how do I move on from this?' But yet, there's an element of me that understood it.

Sophie Bearman  30:12

Yeah. Do you still feel like you understand it? Because the flip side is like you, you did a job that the world has a place for and wants. And like you shouldn't be punished.

Keeley Hazell  30:24

I think now I look at it through class dynamics, and especially entertainment industry. Like in the UK, only 8% of people come from working class backgrounds in this industry. It is so difficult to break through. You need to come from like a family supports you, and so many of the people in the industry are privately educated. So I think now understanding those dynamics, whereas before, it just was like frustrating, but now I understand how the whole industry is set up. Not that it makes it less frustrating. It's just I understand the complications within it.

Sophie Bearman  31:05

So your last song is When You're Smiling and Astride Me by Father John Misty. What's the story with this one?

Keeley Hazell  31:14

So the Father John Misty album that this song is on came out in 2015. I Love You, Honey Bear. And 2015 is like one of my -- I always say, like my greatest year somehow. In the summer of it, I booked this TV show The Royals. And I came back to London and was filming, and I met a guy. And then When You're Smiling and Astride Me was just this feeling of like, kind of happiness, and being in love -- like falling in love with somebody. And also just feeling -- like I loved working on The Royals. It was so fun, and being back in London and actually having that little step within my career and romantic life, it just really encompass that, and felt like it spoke to me so much at that period.

Music  32:06

[When You're Smiling and Astride Me by Father John Misty plays]

Keeley Hazell  32:24

It's such a good song. Just like, really hits. Also though that feeling of two people -- the falling in love and really accepting that person for who they are. And like the lyrics in that like, 'I'll never try to change you, as if I could.' I think that that's so powerful.

Sophie Bearman  32:46

So you've written this memoir, and it's so honest, Keeley, which I love. You really put everything -- maybe not everything, but you put a lot out there on paper. How does it  feel? 

Keeley Hazell  33:00

It feels both exciting and terrifying and freeing. There is a part of me that feels like I'm closing up everything that's happened in life and that I get to start from this point. It feels like the reclaiming. It's like all of these things that I felt like defined me? It's like, now I've written about it. I've said it in my words. I put it down. And now it goes out into the world and I move on. 

Sophie Bearman  33:30

Keeley, thank you so much for sharing your seven songs. 

Keeley Hazell  33:34

Thank you so much for having me.

Sophie Bearman  34:01

Life in Seven Songs is a production from The San Francisco Standard. If you liked this episode, please subscribe and leave us a rating. It makes such a difference. Our senior producer is Jasmyn Morris. Our producers are Michelle Lanz, who also mixes the show, and Tessa Kramer. Our theme music is by Kate Davis and Zubin Hensler. Clark Miller created our show art. And our music consultant is Sarah Tembeckjian. Executive Producers are Griffin Gaffney, Jon Steinberg and me. As always, you can find this guest's full playlist at sf.news/spotify. I'm Sophie Bearman. Thank you so much for listening and see you next week.